Mind Set | written by: PENELOPE WILSON, LCSW, ED.M | photo by: BAMBI RIEGEL | riegelpictureworks.com
Darien resident Todd Marr making summer fun with his son Jack at Weed Beach
Ah, happiness. It’s what we say we want from life. But how do we know when we’re there? After all, emotions are not fixed states; it’s not as if a neon sign welcomes you to happiness and then you’re there for good. And the idea of finding joy in the journey is a nice one, but it’s not possible 100 percent of the time. (Let’s face it, sometimes the journey is more of an uphill climb, to put it mildly.)
The truth is, finding joy can take intention and effort. It’s so easy, especially in a community that places a premium on achievement, to stay on the treadmill of our daily lives—the must dos—without setting aside time for things that bring us joy just because. But it’s true what they say about “all work and no play”: it can dull our capacity for realizing unexpected joy and keep our existence one-dimensional.
There’s good science behind this idea. Many parenting books tout the importance of play in childhood development and learning, but who says there’s an age limit? Plenty of research demonstrates play’s ability to release critical endorphins, foster creativity—even stimulate the cerebral cortex for better brain health and memory—at every age. In one study of twins, the sibling who participated in leisure activities was less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease or dementia than their twin. Better yet, by demonstrating that we value play and leisure, we not only reap its benefits for ourselves, we set an example for our kids and others in our lives—one that hopefully confers a lifelong appreciation for pursuing an interest, just for fun.
We may understand these benefits, but how often do we set out to enjoy something without an achievement in mind? We lament the pressure of youth sports, the diminishment of joy in the game itself, yet our social media feeds are full of regional championship celebration photos—wins only. As adults, we often shy away from trying something new because we’ve learned to reward ourselves for mastery, which can make the learning process unappealing.
What if we set out to have some fun this summer without a single expectation? What if we stop goal-setting, even temporarily, and let life get a little imperfect, a little messy? As a mental health practitioner, I highly recommend it.
Here are some ideas to help you jump-start your Summer of Fun.
Think small. You may have a dream vacation planned—and that’s great—but you definitely don’t need to. Look around: We live in a town full of beautiful backdrops for exploring and enjoying downtime. Your own backyard works too. Wherever you are, the goal is to narrow your focus to the here and now. A grounding exercise like the one below can help you shift gears and prime your mind for play.
- Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you.
- Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you.
- Acknowledge THREE things you hear.
- Acknowledge TWO things you can smell.
- Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste.
Find your flow. Research shows that chronic stress negatively impacts our cells’ telomeres, which play a key role in aging, and that engaging in activities that bring a state of “deep rest” (also known as “flow”) can actually reverse that process. Having fun can keep us young? Sign us up. Flow is essentially that state when you’re immersed in something so deeply, you’re fully focused in the moment. It can be any immersive pursuit from creative writing or playing an instrument to paddleboarding. The only thing that matters is that you find yours—and engage regularly.
Seek out silliness. We know from research that there’s a biological benefit of laughter, and that seeking it out confers just as much benefit as those spontaneous belly laughs we encounter once in a while. Try a humorous podcast or e-book, or tune into a Netflix comedy special—listening or watching will not only bring you joy in the moment, it will keep you better primed to find humor even in everyday annoyances.
Get out there. Sunshine and fresh air are elixirs for many ails, and while ‘forest bathing’ is a buzz phrase that recently caught on, the idea of nature’s restorative powers is nothing new. Whether a hike, an outdoor yoga class or even an afternoon in the sun with a good book in hand, getting outside can get you in the right frame of mind for fun.
Connect intentionally. One reason the pandemic challenged our collective mindset was the lack of meaningful connection imposed by isolation. Amid our busy lives it doesn’t always happen unless we create the conditions for it—and that’s simple to prioritize. Schedule a ‘walk and talk’ with a friend. For couples, I recommend adding a regular date night to calendars at whatever frequency works. And for parents, fun-focused, one-on-one time with each child, directed by that child’s interests, can be transformational for parent and child alike.
Deliberately disconnect. If piles of papers are staring back at you reproachfully or to-dos are stacked up, give yourself permission to leave them for another day. Identify what summer means to you—how will you look back on these months with satisfaction—and then go do what comes to mind. Those pesky obligations can wait; summer comes but once a year.
Be spontaneous! Off-the-cuff actions can be freeing and tap into our playful side.
It helps to think of finding fun as a practice—not to help us reach perfection, but to continually realize more joy in everything we do.
Penelope Wilson, LCSW, ED.M, is a resident of Darien and a clinician in private practice working with adolescents and adults. Connect with her at trailheadtherapy.org or at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/penelope-wilson-westport-ct/963024.
