Resilience in the New Year
Mind Set | written by: PHYLLIS WEIHS-YAVNER MS, LPC | photo by: BAMBI RIEGEL | riegelpictureworks.com
Robin red breast in Darien; this bird is a symbol of passion, new beginnings and rebirth.
The fresh turn of the calendar to a new year sparks inspiration and motivation to become better, stronger versions of ourselves. Many of us create new goals to help elevate our lives. We dial up the volume on our positive self-talk as we begin establishing healthier habits. It is truly an exciting time!
With all this good intention, however, comes the inevitable: life’s challenges. As a practicing therapist for more than 14 years, patients come to sessions for help in difficult and sometimes devastating times. Patients feel frustrated when a challenge hinders a goal or resolution, such as the desire to create a healthier relationship with food or cultivate positive familial relationships. And sometimes, hardships come on a much larger and unexpected scale, such as a traumatic life event that feels like a tropical storm blowing personal resolutions far away.
So how can we continue to utilize the positive new year motivation to better our lives while also accepting the fact that we will face challenges along the way? How can the two co-exist and how do we find the resilience to actually pick ourselves up after each roadblock and keep going? I teach my clients that there is always a way through, and they always have a choice. They can choose to navigate the storm with as much grace as possible, and by doing so they often experience a positive outcome on the other side.
Below are steps I use with my clients to cultivate a resilient mindset. Try these so that you can feel confident moving through adversity and achieve your vision for yourself this year and beyond:
Accept & Regulate
One of the best things you can do is simply accept the reality of the challenge before you and the parts that are out of your control. Then, you can begin to focus on the things you can control: taking care of yourself, regulating and connecting to the calm space within. It is common to get dysregulated when a challenge first appears. Dysregulation can present itself in many different ways such as feeling physically tense or getting easily frustrated. Instead of trying to fix or solve the problem immediately, you can work to regulate yourself by taking walks in nature, journaling about your feelings, using breathing techniques and calling a close friend or family member.
Be Flexible & Curious
After you have taken the time to regulate and connect to calm, you are able to think more creatively and look more curiously at the challenge at hand. Sometimes, all the challenge is calling you to do is think differently about something. Your perspective or approach might need shifting. For example, you might think to yourself, ‘Could I try working out in the mornings because I know my boss always schedules late meetings?’ Or, ‘I wonder what my child is trying to communicate to me with his/her tantrums?’ Understand that pivoting your goal or reframing the way you think about something is not failure. It is, in fact, resiliency in action.
Mine for Gold!
Through the process of moving through a challenge, there is always opportunity to find some gold nuggets at any point of the process. Sometimes these come in the form of hidden blessings that reveal themselves when we have overcome the challenge, such as forming an even closer bond with a family member. By looking for these opportunities, you are looking for the positive, and it creates a spark of joy which builds on itself. Deep gratitude, or reverence for what is currently true and beautiful, can provide feelings of contentment. Yes, maybe you lost your job and are navigating
a very real financial challenge but you can still be thankful for healthy aging parents, a supportive partner and your passion for cooking.
Shifting your gaze toward the positive does not deny the challenge, it merely gives you extra fuel to move through the hard time. Take a breath and know that you can persevere through this new year with acceptance, flexibility and gratitude. Continue to dial up that positive self-talk because: Yes, you got this!
